How does this feel?!?
Monday, December 1st, 2008This is how I feel sometimes!! I wanted to say a special thanks to everyone who left me positive comments about my last blog. A lot of people messaged me or sent comments to me on Twitter and mentioned how much they liked it.
Sometimes it’s difficult to expose yourself to the world in a personal way. There is an extra layer of vulnerability. I know I have had friends in the poker community go through some very tough times in a very public way.
It’s strange to be exposed to people who don’t really know you intimately and then having to hear about the negativity in the news or on a public forum where thousands and thousands of people view the gossip.
I am thinking about ways to improve this blog and share more of myself with you. Bear with me as I continue to work through some of my apprehension and expose more of my personal life with you. The hardest challenge is to find that balance between my public persona and the real me. I am always honest in every blog or interview I have ever done. I am sometimes guarded however with my responses.
I feel like there is this thin line between what is really personal and what I should share with the public. For instance just yesterday I received some very bad news about one of my half sisters in Vietnam. I have been looking for this sister for almost two years now.
This sister was basically missing or lost and I’ve been very worried about her. I go back to Vietnam frequently and nobody knew where she was. I just received some news that she is in a very tough life situation. And it’s something I cannot fix. I also have word of other relatives that are also having much hardship. The news is quite heart breaking.
I know others are going through the same type of life problems so I don’t want anyone to have extra sympathy for me. I just wanted everyone to know sometimes, I go through the exact same range of emotions as you.
I have had some recent events happen to me that are quite negative. Some business relationships and unfortunate news with friends and family. The worst part is that I have had people in my life who are aware of this and they still continue to try and take from me. The most unfortunate part about having any type of success is sometimes you have people who surround you that are strictly users.
I understand this is a part of success and now that I have been able to sustain a certain level of success and gain some wisdom, I am better at selecting the type of people I get into business with. The type of people I surround myself with. The biggest revelation to me this year was how much I distracted myself with poker and work. Instead of facing many of life’s problems, I just played more poker. Or I spent more time working on my other websites.
I understand now that I cannot run away from my problems. I came across a video which almost parallels my life perfectly. For those of you who want to know me on a more personal level, my life, pretty much looks like this:
My Love “The Story of A Diva”
Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the videos. It’s pretty powerful. I have gone through many moments and times in my life where I felt the exact same way.
The holidays are a really reflective time for me. Partially because I am going through my first Thanksgiving without my father and I really want to reflect upon life and think back to everything I should be thankful for. All my Dad ever wanted for me was happiness.
I cannot help but think about that as I continue the rest of my life’s journey without him. So, in honoring his unselfish and complete love for me, I am doing my best to be positive and to be happy!
I also want to address all of the past negativity in my life. I am washing my hands of unsuccessful business relationships. I am washing my hands of being around people who are constantly taking and never giving.
At this stage of my life, I just really want to be surrounded by positive people! I want to enjoy life with people I love. And I also want to be a little less vulnerable. I want my public persona to be a little more reflective of my private life. So, this is another step in that direction.
So, lets all be thankful we have each other to share in our lives and to be positive and live out our life the best way we possibly can. And always be aware of how you affect others!!
Be a positive influence not a negative one!
Cheers!

















